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Vienna Pharaon

Stitcher Studios

We all have the capacity to create long lasting change.

I’m Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I’ve spent over 25,000 hours working with individuals, couples and families, which has given me a front-row seat to our capacity for change, no matter how challenging a story might be. This is a show where I speak with anonymous people every week about the challenges they’re facing.

And even though this is not how I work with actual clients – which has months, sometimes years of trust built together over time – it’s pretty incredible where a one-off conversation with someone you don’t know can lead you. In fact, I think it’s quite remarkable. 

I’m the author of the national best selling book ‘The Origins of You,’ which explores how to break family patterns so that you can liberate the way you live and love, and create the life and relationships you’ve always wanted. What I have found time and time again is that our unwanted patterns in our adult lives is unresolved pain from the past that’s grabbing for our attention. 

If we can be brave enough to face our patterns, a lot of beautiful healing work can happen.

That’s why the show is named This Keeps Happening. 

I hope what you hear today helps you as you go through your own journey.

This Keeps Happening with Vienna Pharaon

If we can be brave enough to face our patterns, a lot of beautiful healing work can happen. I’m Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Origins of You,” which explores how to break family patterns so that you can create the life and relationships you’ve always wanted. In my new podcast This Keeps Happening, hear me speak with anonymous strangers every week about the challenges they’re facing. It all starts September 27.

Trailer

I have a special sneak peek for you. This is an exclusive clip from a conversation with a guest we’re calling Charlotte. That’s her alias. She finds herself struggling with a need for control. Although it can be challenging to examine exactly where that need comes from, Charlotte is willing to take a look.

 

On the show, I have one-time conversations with anonymous strangers about a challenge that they’re facing in their lives and relationships. You’re going to hear real, intimate conversations with people sharing their struggles and their truth. Hear full episodes beginning September 27.

Extended Sneak Peek From My Show

Today I’m speaking with Michelle, that’s her alias. She’s an open book, but she struggles to trust others. She can create the illusion of connection for others, but then shuts her own pain down. She does this to protect and manage the emotional experience of others. She tragically lost her father at 14 and dealt with self blame, which often shows up as failure for not being who people needed her to be. It’s so common to find ways to disconnect or distract away from our hurt. Have you ever distracted away from what needs tending to?

Why would I ever tell someone what I need? That’s letting them know your weakness

Today, I’m speaking with a married couple, Jess and Ekko. Those are their aliases. The past few years have been challenging for their relationship. Between the pandemic and pregnancy losses, they had a hard time communicating through their sadness and grief. 

 

Jess and Ekko separated for about a year, and only recently decided to give their relationship another chance. 

 

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

We separated, but now we’re back together and trying to make it work

Today, I’m speaking with Charlotte. She's gone through a lot of transition in the last six months, including becoming a mother and finding out a terrible secret in her partner’s family. At the start of our conversation, she was focused on her partner and his family. She was mindful and attentive to their experiences, but I couldn't find her or her experience within all the changes she was navigating. For a long time, Charlotte had to hide her authentic self, an act that built up rage and resentment. 

 

Although she was initially focused on boundary setting, we pivoted towards her fears of having to exist alone in the world. What would happen if she fully revealed herself instead of trying to control her partner? As you listen, I'd love for you to reflect on where in your life you're not fully revealed and what you're trying to protect by hiding. 

 

In this episode, the topic of sexual abuse comes up. Although this is not the focal point of the conversation, I’d love for you to take care of yourself as you listen. 

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I’m afraid to hate my partner’s family

It seems like everyone and everything just sets Randi off. Everything annoys him and makes him angry and he doesn't know why. So, he called us with a very specific goal. He doesn't want to be a jerk anymore. 

 

One thing to know about Randi: He's a long term caretaker for his wife. She has multiple sclerosis and her condition has been worsening. He doesn't know how to share his pain and he says he doesn't even know what sharing pain looks like. From my perspective, it's hard for Randi to connect with the emotions beneath his annoyance. We start this conversation inquiring about what the annoyance is actually trying to communicate to him. 

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I don't want to be a jerk anymore

Jill was raised by her mother, who was a single parent for the majority of her childhood. But six years ago, she found out something shocking, and it caused a deep confusion within her, especially because her mother was unwilling to give her answers to any of her questions. There was pressure to present in a way that her mom wanted her to, and if she stepped outside of line in any way, she was painted as a bad person.

 

We begin the conversation with the moment when Jill found out a life-changing secret. 

 

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

A family secret revealed

Elizabeth is a 41 year old woman who has gone through some major transitions in the last six years including weight loss surgery and a career change. She has historically struggled with her worthiness, but now believes truly that she is indeed worthy. That said, she doesn't think other people see it, which is reflected in her dating life. The biggest transition of her childhood was when her mom was in a critical car accident when she was five years old. Elizabeth struggles to see what's blocking her from not just creating the life and relationship she wants, but actually permitting it.

 

We begin the conversation by discussing the impact of her mom’s accident.

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I finally feel worthy, but there's something else blocking me from the life I want

MT struggles in creating space to have and honor her needs. She’s avoidant, she deflects and uses humor to distract away from her pain. Deep down, she’s hurting after a recent breakup where she had to keep their relationship hidden, even though she didn’t want to. 

 

We begin the conversation by discussing the end of MT’s first significant relationship, which has prompted some serious examination into her own patterns.

 

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I was forced to keep my relationship hidden

Skyler came in with a deep desire for partnership. She wants to find a relationship that makes her feel safe, free and joyful. However, during our discussion, we uncover something holding her back from feeling whole. This episode contains explicit language.

 

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I don't feel complete without a partner

Carol is in a relationship that feels deeper than anything she's experienced before, and yet she feels emotionally misunderstood. When there's conflict, she doesn't know how to navigate it and feels frustrated with herself for closing down and disconnecting. 

Growing up, Carol didn't have healthy examples of dealing with conflict. She felt distant from her mother, who struggled with addiction and wasn't present in her life from six years old on. And she was raised by her father, who would give her the silent treatment in conflict. When Carol would ask questions about her mother and her parents' relationship in history, he wouldn't provide answers or clarity, leaving her feeling internally lost and confused. She constantly asks herself why knowing matters and why feeling matters, but ultimately does know that that's her path to change.

You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.

I feel misunderstood in my relationships

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