Summary of Harriet Lerner's Marriage Rules

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book. Book Preview:

#1 Sometimes we have to deliberately refrain from criticism and negativity and instead experiment with such virtues as kindness and generosity of spirit. This may feel impossible when you’re the wronged party, but it’s not.

#2 Marriage requires a profound respect for differences. We should not be too nervous about differences, nor should we operate as if we have the truth of the universe. differences do not necessarily mean that one person is right and one person is wrong.

#3 Speaking your mind and being honest is at the core of intimacy. However, speaking out and being honest are not always good ideas. Sometimes in the name of authenticity and truth telling, we shut down lines of communication, diminish and shame the other person, and make it less likely that two people can hear each other.

#4 The longer you are in a relationship, the more you will start to pay attention to the negative things your partner does, instead of the positive. You should try to focus on the positive even if you are feeling angry and resentful.

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Rafbók: 29 april 2022